Comedians

Comedians

Robin Williams

"No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world."

robinw

Dennis Pennis

"Is that rude or what!?"

dennis

Dom Joly

"Just load me up with a couple of jumped up custards"

domj

Fonejacker

"Talk to me!"

fone

Steve Coogan

"The truth is somewhere in the middle of funny and serious"

coogan

Bruno

"Vassup! Being gay is the new coolest thing, so that's why I've come to the gayest part of America - Alabama!"

bruno

Sarah Silverman

"But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough"

sarahs

Joan Rivers"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

joan

Alig G

Is you on crack or somethin’?”

alig

John Cleese

"If you want creative workers, give them enough time to play."

johncle

Stewart Francis

"I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that tone"

stew

Eddie Murphy

"The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone's advice"

eddiem

Steve Martin

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

stevem


Leslie Nielsen

"A hospital? What is it?: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. "

leslie

Bill Hicks

"Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye."

bill

Jim Jefferies

"I've actually phased out the misogynistic jokes because I used to think that everyone knew that I was joking."

jimj

Will Ferrell

"You sit on a throne of lies!"

willfere

Trey Parker

"Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable."

treyparker

Jerry Seinfeld

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

jerrys

Ricky Gervais

"Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right"

rickyg

Joe Pera

"Have you heard of the Who?"

joep

Woody Allen

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans"

woodya

Stan Laurel

"If any of you cry at my funeral. I'll never speak to you again"

stanl

Noel Gallagher

"He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup"

noel

Stewart Lee

"Russell Brand and Jeremy Paxman was hardly Frost/Nixon was it? More like watching a monkey throw his own excrement at a fog-horn"

stew

Lenny Bruce "The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them "

lennyb

Richard Pryor

"Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers"

richardp

Charlie Chaplin

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot"

charliec

Jackie Mason

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something"

jackiem

Doug Stanhope

"Anything that I don't understand or can't do is stupid"

dougs

Liam Gallagher

"I was walking along and this chair came flying past me, and another, and another, and I thought, man, is this gonna be a good night"

liamg

Frank Skinner

"How do I relax? This might sound slightly ridiculous but I play the ukulele for at least an hour a day and I find something really blissful about it"

franks

Bob Dylan

"I'm inconsistent, even to myself"

dylan